Be careful what you PAY for.

Get on Match, she said. You’ll have better luck, she said. The guys on Match are serious about finding a relationship because they pay to be on the site.

He looked safe. Financial analyst safe. Moderately attractive, well spoken, and educated. We message online for an appropriate amount of time before moving to texting. A week and a half later we graduated to talking on the phone.

We scheduled our first date. We toss around ideas and he says he’ll plan something. Date day was here a week later. 2:00: I ask him what the plan is. The plan is that you have no plan? I’m sure you can only imagine how special I feel right now. 5:00: He texts me and ask me I still want to go. Seriously? Cue my honesty: ‘At this point, not really. Its 5:00 and you have no time, no place, no plan.’

This is “shocking” to him. The desperation begins. He tries to pull together some ideas. When that’s unsuccessful, he moves to regret and apologies. This only lasts for about 2.5 seconds before the influx of text messages, progressing rapidly to anger. Phone calls. More texts. More calling. More texts. He tells me he’s seen this behavior before and karma is coming for me. Shit. Please don’t tell me moonlights as karma. Now I’m disrespectful; childish. He follows by giving me the benefit of the doubt and tells me he understands that I may be busy. Rapid cycling is an understatement; EXPLOSIVE is more like itThis is 40 notifications past when blocking would have been appropriate.

Now I get 20-30 calls from random numbers a day. I re-registered my number on the Do Not Call list, but deep down I know I picked up a Stage 5. Until the obligatory 72 hour wait after registration, I will keep telling myself that my contact info was sold to some third-party and carry my gun a little closer…

Is this what I paid for?